Surfergeeks

This one’s long but really funny…

[Kazak] man I am bored, Im gonna try some weird shit
[Nash] uh oh
[Kazak] HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL!
[Nash] ?!
[Kazak] I PUT A STAPLE THROUGH MY DICK!
[Nash] HOLY SHIT!
[Nash] You really are a crazy bastard!
*Killer_jeep has joined the conversation.
[Kazak] good fucking hell this hurts LIKE HELL
[Killer_jeep] What?
[Nash] he put a staple thru his dick
[Killer_jeep] DEAR GOD
*Killer_jeep has left the conversation.
[Kazak] shit now I have to piss! Brb
[Nash] this can’t be good
[Kazak] BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCK!
[Nash] what happened!
*Darkness has joined the conversation.
[Kazak] the piss flew out of the staple holes
[Darkness] WTF!?
*Darkness has left the conversation.
[Kazak] I had to straddle the toilet to get it in!
[Nash] are you gonna go to the ER?
[Kazak] are you crazy? no fucking way
[Nash] well try pulling it out
[Kazak] I can’t it hurts like hell if I try!
[Nash] well it has to come out sooner or later.
[Nash] better off sooner, before anyone sees you.
[Kazak] GODDAM THIS HURTS
[Nash] its your own fault, you know.
[Kazak] shutup! augh this hurts!!!
[Kazak] GRGGRFFFFDJH~!!11
*Aaron has joined the conversation
[Aaron] whats up guys?
[Nash] The crazy bastard put a staple through his dick
[Aaron] FUCKING HELL
*Aaron has left the conversation.
[Kazak] THANK GOD!!! I got it out!!!
[Nash] right…what about the holes?
[Kazak] uhh…
*Malaina has joined the conversation.
[Kazak] I’ll have to cover my dick with band-aids.
[Malaina] what the hell are you talking about?
[Kazak] oh shit. Nash, don’t!!!!
[Nash] your boyfriend put a staple through his dick
[Malaina] FUCKING HELL YOU SICK BASTARD!
*Malaina has left the conversation.

Some stupid ass customer just threatened to sue me because I wouldn’t send out a replacement part without collecting the required collateral. He wanted my name. (He got “Rob”), my supervisor’s name (“Don’t have one”), the mailing address of the legal department (“you can get that from our website”).

Yippee! Stupid ass.

I give him a few days and he’ll call back with a credit card number…they always come crawling back…

Clicky

This story courtesy of fark.com: clicky

For those too lazy to click here’s the cliff notes version: 16 year old girlie spends a good portion of time at high school rallying against drugs and alcohol. THen, on her cousin’s 17th birthday splits a 40 ouncer of vodka with cousin. Result? A blood alcohol level of 0.453 (or something like that)…oh yeah…and death…

From IRC:
In a perfect world… spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.

Tonight is very boring. I haven’t even found anything remotely interesting enough to post here. I will keep looking for you though!

Woot, woot!!!

It’s Sunday and I’m off for the day. Wow, I haven’t seen a week-end since, well, my vacation, but that doesn’t count. Before that, I think it was October.

Today will be a good day.

We interrupt your regularily scheduled…um….nothing….for a joke:

Alright, so it was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The Angel at the gate said to the man, “Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.”
“No problem,” the man said. “I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn’t you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.”
The Angel considers this, and let’s him in cuz it WAS a bad day….The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question. So the dude replies, “But you’re not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn’t die right away. As I’m laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.”
So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let’s this dude in…the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died. So the dude goes, ‘Okay, picture this, I’m hiding in this refrigerator right…”